She wanders through the quiet recesses of my soul. The person I am meant to be. The whole of me. I am accepting of the person I am but there is so much more of me. So many pieces missing.
This person of my soul is confidently creative. She is comfortable in her own skin. She is disciplined with her time, with her routines and with taking care of herself. She has inner peace and understands grace. She accepts what she can't change. She understands how she reacts to something is entirely up to her and it makes a difference.
She lives my favorite saying "She believed she could so she did." She has fears but does not allow them to cripple her, to stop her from doing something she really wants. She is passionate about the things she does.
Some mornings while meditating I see this imagine of her. She is me but noticeably different. First she is thinner. Not much but some. She has a much better fashion sense than me. But then again not. What I see her wearing is something I would love to own but fear I would look horrible in. Her jewelry is simple. And today I realized it is jewelry she made. Jewelry I would love to make. She is me but not quite.
Yesterday I turned 60. It is only a number to me but we all do have an end number. And that number could be right around the corner. It is time to be the person of my soul. There is no time to waste.
So how do I make the person of my soul be the person of my heart and mind as well? Maybe by bringing small pieces of her to my heart the changes will be easier. During my morning meditations I will learn to accept each of these characteristics one at a time. Not attempting to accept another one until each are a total part of me.
Keep me in your thoughts as I attempt to make this journey to be the person I was born to be. I'm thinking this journey is going to be a blast. Hold onto your hats!
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Starting fresh...
This will be the final post on this version of my "27 again" blog. Not sure if I want to keep this as the title but its as good as any. (:
This blog was suppose to be uplifting and humorous but it changed to heavy and depressing while I was "sick". It became a place for me to vent and express how I was coping or not coping at the time. I had considered just deleting those posts but instead I will create a new look and move forward.
This blog will have a bit different tone once I get it up and going. It will be a place to express my opinions on a few things. A place to share things. Maybe recipes, workouts, spiritual thoughts... I'm not sure what direction I want to go with this. I am trying to find some inner peace. Find my way in the world. Find what I want to be when I grow up.
As we age the struggles we encounter as women seem to be ever changing. Relationships are my greatest struggle. Our needs change. Our desires change. These are the things I want to blog about. I also want your input -- the few of you who do follow my blog. What do you to talk about? Your comments on anything I post are ALWAYS welcome. They help me with ideas.
How often will I post? That is totally up in the air. Those of you who are my Facebook friends know that I already have one other blog that I struggle with. (: I also have started a blog for my business. My daughter is the actual admin for it, she does all the final postings but I help with content on each post. So maybe once a week or maybe once a month. This is just more an outlet for me with the hope of it being more. I would also like to start a blog for my genealogy research but not sure I have can dedicate the amount of time I would like for that project. (Actually, I have one started but haven't done much with it).
Anyway... This was suppose to short and sweet and as usual I ramble. I'm working on a new layout for this blog today before we leave to celebrate a major life event. We are celebrating the college graduation of our youngest child today. Happy day!
This blog was suppose to be uplifting and humorous but it changed to heavy and depressing while I was "sick". It became a place for me to vent and express how I was coping or not coping at the time. I had considered just deleting those posts but instead I will create a new look and move forward.
This blog will have a bit different tone once I get it up and going. It will be a place to express my opinions on a few things. A place to share things. Maybe recipes, workouts, spiritual thoughts... I'm not sure what direction I want to go with this. I am trying to find some inner peace. Find my way in the world. Find what I want to be when I grow up.
As we age the struggles we encounter as women seem to be ever changing. Relationships are my greatest struggle. Our needs change. Our desires change. These are the things I want to blog about. I also want your input -- the few of you who do follow my blog. What do you to talk about? Your comments on anything I post are ALWAYS welcome. They help me with ideas.
How often will I post? That is totally up in the air. Those of you who are my Facebook friends know that I already have one other blog that I struggle with. (: I also have started a blog for my business. My daughter is the actual admin for it, she does all the final postings but I help with content on each post. So maybe once a week or maybe once a month. This is just more an outlet for me with the hope of it being more. I would also like to start a blog for my genealogy research but not sure I have can dedicate the amount of time I would like for that project. (Actually, I have one started but haven't done much with it).
Anyway... This was suppose to short and sweet and as usual I ramble. I'm working on a new layout for this blog today before we leave to celebrate a major life event. We are celebrating the college graduation of our youngest child today. Happy day!
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Just a girl...
This past weekend I attended my 40 year class reunion. That I helped plan. Hard to believe it is even possible. Especially since I AM only 27!
While doing all of this planning, my daughters kept asking me exactly "who" I was in my class of 310. Cheerleader, nerd, jock or... I told them I was an ordinary town kid. No one special. I'm guessing most of my classmates didn't even know who I was. I guess I'm just glad I was ignored. It was better than being picked on.
Since coming home from my hometown I've thought about that question a bit more. I realized a few things about who that 16-17 year old girl was. I am going to to type these thoughts about myself however they pop into my head. They may be chronologically out of order. And they will not be in order of importance, etc. I'm hoping once you read about this girl you will like her as much as I've learned to like her in the past week or so.
She didn't get her drivers license until she turned 17 although she drove on her grandparents farm when she was 8 or 9 years old.
Was a Jesus freak in 11th grade.
In 12th grade drank too much and didn't smoke enough pot. (that's probably not true - the pot smoking part, the drinking part was unfortunately all too true)
Smoked cigarettes in the bathroom between classes.
Wore clothes she made herself. Those clothes always were made with her own twist on fashion.
Loved the friends she had.
Loved a boy who broke her heart.
Was in love with a boy who wanted to be just her friend. Still misses that boy.
Never really had much self confidence.
Was quiet but not really shy.
Hated her curly hair but made the most of it.
Loved all kinds of music.
Loved her grandparents without a doubt.
Could laugh at herself even then.
Had a whacked sense of humor way back then.
Was a tomboy. Excellent baseball, basketball and football player. ha!
Was told by the mothers of the Catholic boys she played with that their boys would marry a good Catholic girl. Was never sure where that came from. How do you go from playing football to getting married??
Was a math nerd. Tutored football players so they could play football.
Loved Ancient Civilizations class. Thus the thought of being an anthropologist. That is still a thought.
Knew the names of EVERY classmate.
Loved the Minnesota Vikings.
She was just a girl.
While doing all of this planning, my daughters kept asking me exactly "who" I was in my class of 310. Cheerleader, nerd, jock or... I told them I was an ordinary town kid. No one special. I'm guessing most of my classmates didn't even know who I was. I guess I'm just glad I was ignored. It was better than being picked on.
Since coming home from my hometown I've thought about that question a bit more. I realized a few things about who that 16-17 year old girl was. I am going to to type these thoughts about myself however they pop into my head. They may be chronologically out of order. And they will not be in order of importance, etc. I'm hoping once you read about this girl you will like her as much as I've learned to like her in the past week or so.
She didn't get her drivers license until she turned 17 although she drove on her grandparents farm when she was 8 or 9 years old.
Was a Jesus freak in 11th grade.
In 12th grade drank too much and didn't smoke enough pot. (that's probably not true - the pot smoking part, the drinking part was unfortunately all too true)
Smoked cigarettes in the bathroom between classes.
Wore clothes she made herself. Those clothes always were made with her own twist on fashion.
Loved the friends she had.
Loved a boy who broke her heart.
Was in love with a boy who wanted to be just her friend. Still misses that boy.
Never really had much self confidence.
Was quiet but not really shy.
Hated her curly hair but made the most of it.
Loved all kinds of music.
Loved her grandparents without a doubt.
Could laugh at herself even then.
Had a whacked sense of humor way back then.
Was a tomboy. Excellent baseball, basketball and football player. ha!
Was told by the mothers of the Catholic boys she played with that their boys would marry a good Catholic girl. Was never sure where that came from. How do you go from playing football to getting married??
Was a math nerd. Tutored football players so they could play football.
Loved Ancient Civilizations class. Thus the thought of being an anthropologist. That is still a thought.
Knew the names of EVERY classmate.
Loved the Minnesota Vikings.
She was just a girl.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Christmas Traditions - Chapman Style
A friend asked me to share some of my Christmas traditions. We only have a few of them. Or so I thought.
We always put our tree up the day after Thanksgiving. It always has to have tinsel garland on it for Trent. :-) We have a huge box of ornaments - ones the kids made, ones I've made, ones we've bought here or there and just a mix of others. The girls are in charge of putting those on the tree. I get to put all of the glass ones on the tree along with 2 sets of tiered glass bells. The tree also has to have tons of lights on it. Oh, I almost forgot about the candy canes. There has to be candy canes. The buying of those is a tradition of its own. We decorate the tree and then head to Walgreen's to buy the candy canes and any other things we might be missing for the tree.
After Thanksgiving it is always okay to make the first batch of Nut Goodie Bars. The best treat ever. When I buy the ingredients for them I always have to make sure I buy extra milk. Nut Goodie Bars always go best with a big glass of cold milk. We don't make a lot of cookies or anything. Normally, we make at least one batch of cut out sugar cookies. They get decorated, frosted and eaten. This year we mixed up the dough but for some reason never got them baked. :-(
For as many years as I've had a family I've created a family Christmas letter. Since we have so much family living far away it has been a great way to fill everyone in on what my family is doing. Last year and again this year I have not created my family Christmas letter. I'm not sure what has happened but it just hasn't gotten done.
Wow, it seems to be the year of breaking traditions? This is really sad to me. I'll make up for it next year when I'm 100% again.
Christmas Eve we have our "traditional" dinner of steak and shrimp. Along with my mom's fruit salad. Some years we have salads with it, other years we do steak fries. And for the past few years we have Peanut Butter Fudge pie for dessert.
Our kids have always gotten up before the crack of dawn on Christmas morning. Waiting and waiting until it is "late enough" to wake us up so they can open presents. Just like I did with my own siblings. My kids still do this as - almost grownups. I still fill Christmas stockings for all of them. Apples, oranges, coloring books and candy are the normal things in each stocking. Then something fun or needed for each of them. I'm not sure what the apples and oranges are about but my mom always did it so I just carried on that tradition.
After we open presents we have fresh cinnamon rolls before we get ready to head out to the lake to spend the day with my Dad and whichever of my siblings and spouses, nieces and nephews can make it there. The day is spent laughing, eating, laughing and eating some more. When we get home, Nate and Lora come over to open gifts. They spend Christmas morning with Lora's parents.
New Year's Eve needs to be added here as well. My parents never went out for New Year's Eve. We would have tons of munchies. All of our favorites. It was one of the few times we got to drink more than one can of pop in one week. ha! We would eat junk food all night and watch the ball drop with Dick Clark on TV. My family has done this as well. Everyone helps create the menu. Each year we try to find something new and different to make. Usually around 3 or 4 we make subs with all the fixings. Then around 8 or 9PM all of the junk food comes out. We park in front of the TV and watch movies. Most of the time it is kids' choice of movies.
New Year's Day brings a day of leftovers - subs and junk food. What a great way to start out a new year!
When I was asked about my traditions I didn't think I could find enough traditions to make it worth a blog entry but...
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of my friends and family. I hope it is a blessed and happy season.
We always put our tree up the day after Thanksgiving. It always has to have tinsel garland on it for Trent. :-) We have a huge box of ornaments - ones the kids made, ones I've made, ones we've bought here or there and just a mix of others. The girls are in charge of putting those on the tree. I get to put all of the glass ones on the tree along with 2 sets of tiered glass bells. The tree also has to have tons of lights on it. Oh, I almost forgot about the candy canes. There has to be candy canes. The buying of those is a tradition of its own. We decorate the tree and then head to Walgreen's to buy the candy canes and any other things we might be missing for the tree.
After Thanksgiving it is always okay to make the first batch of Nut Goodie Bars. The best treat ever. When I buy the ingredients for them I always have to make sure I buy extra milk. Nut Goodie Bars always go best with a big glass of cold milk. We don't make a lot of cookies or anything. Normally, we make at least one batch of cut out sugar cookies. They get decorated, frosted and eaten. This year we mixed up the dough but for some reason never got them baked. :-(
For as many years as I've had a family I've created a family Christmas letter. Since we have so much family living far away it has been a great way to fill everyone in on what my family is doing. Last year and again this year I have not created my family Christmas letter. I'm not sure what has happened but it just hasn't gotten done.
Wow, it seems to be the year of breaking traditions? This is really sad to me. I'll make up for it next year when I'm 100% again.
Christmas Eve we have our "traditional" dinner of steak and shrimp. Along with my mom's fruit salad. Some years we have salads with it, other years we do steak fries. And for the past few years we have Peanut Butter Fudge pie for dessert.
Our kids have always gotten up before the crack of dawn on Christmas morning. Waiting and waiting until it is "late enough" to wake us up so they can open presents. Just like I did with my own siblings. My kids still do this as - almost grownups. I still fill Christmas stockings for all of them. Apples, oranges, coloring books and candy are the normal things in each stocking. Then something fun or needed for each of them. I'm not sure what the apples and oranges are about but my mom always did it so I just carried on that tradition.
After we open presents we have fresh cinnamon rolls before we get ready to head out to the lake to spend the day with my Dad and whichever of my siblings and spouses, nieces and nephews can make it there. The day is spent laughing, eating, laughing and eating some more. When we get home, Nate and Lora come over to open gifts. They spend Christmas morning with Lora's parents.
New Year's Eve needs to be added here as well. My parents never went out for New Year's Eve. We would have tons of munchies. All of our favorites. It was one of the few times we got to drink more than one can of pop in one week. ha! We would eat junk food all night and watch the ball drop with Dick Clark on TV. My family has done this as well. Everyone helps create the menu. Each year we try to find something new and different to make. Usually around 3 or 4 we make subs with all the fixings. Then around 8 or 9PM all of the junk food comes out. We park in front of the TV and watch movies. Most of the time it is kids' choice of movies.
New Year's Day brings a day of leftovers - subs and junk food. What a great way to start out a new year!
When I was asked about my traditions I didn't think I could find enough traditions to make it worth a blog entry but...
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of my friends and family. I hope it is a blessed and happy season.
Monday, December 12, 2011
My Journey - Continues...
The journey so far -- In early October I went to the doctor where a nodule was found on my thyroid. The next day the nodule changed to a mass. About a week later my mass had become a tumor classified as cancer. I left off with my story just before we were to go to meet with the surgeon.
The meeting with the surgeon gave Isaac and I both peace of mind. We were told once the tumor was removed there would be no need for any further treatment. No chemo or radiation. He explained the procedure, how long it would take, how long I would be in the hospital and what to expect afterwards. The biggest thing would be the possibility of some loss of voice and difficulty in swallowing. The thyroid sits between the nerves that control your voice. All of this was minor. Surgery was scheduled for the morning of October 27th. 15 days away.
We went home with good news to tell the kids. Everyone was at home that night so we could tell them in person. Talk about it. Ask questions. Basically, just understand all that was going on. I told all of them that no matter what, they could come to me with questions or to tell me how they were feeling. Whatever - it WAS okay to talk about. My mom had cancer for 6 years and died when I was 24. We NEVER talked about her cancer EVER. I didn't want that to happen with my own family.
The hardest part was picking up the phone to call my siblings and my dad. When I called I just told them what the surgeon had told us. I did my best to be confident and to assure everyone I would be okay.
15 days was going to be a long time. But my business was still busy and things needed to be done before I had my surgery. I didn't want to have anything to worry about while I recovered. There was more than enough to do to keep my mind busy and not dwell on my cancer and my upcoming surgery.
During those 15 days I would have a wide range of emotions. One morning I was busy folding laundry and just stopped and found it weird that I had this tumor in my neck that was cancer. It was hard to believe because I felt fine, looked fine and had never been sick before finding this tumor. Other times I would stand and look in the mirror and couldn't see any difference. I had cancer so I had to look different right? But the funny thing was I was more worried about how everyone else was dealing with this. Who was worrying too much? How so and so was coping? Weird I know but that's what I do best. Worry about others.
Surgery day approached (just typing this makes my stomach flip flop). The day before I kept as busy as I could. I finished making a Halloween costume for my son. And made the cutest Halloween costumes for my niece and her friends. But as dinner time approached the more apprehensive I became. I had dinner on the table and turned and looked at Isaac watching me and almost lost it right there. I told him I needed to go away for a few minutes. I figured going away and crying on my own was better than trying not to and having a total panic attack. I headed for my bedroom and had a panic attack in private. Then went into the bathroom and washed my face. Then went and sat down at the dinner table. I tried to crack some jokes but couldn't quite pull that off. I don't think I can ever truly pull off cracking jokes anyway so... ha!
After a sleepless night, we headed for the hospital just before 5AM. Surgery was scheduled for 7:30AM. Everything was on schedule. Of course I had to have one last minor panic attack as Isaac walked back to the waiting room. After that I didn't remember too much of anything. ha!
Next thing I remember I was being wheeled to a room. I'm not sure what I was expecting for a pain level but what I experienced was a little more than anticipated. And the nurses and I had a slight miscommunication on pain meds. Apparently I wasn't on any kind of schedule, if I thought I needed something I was suppose to ask. So by the time we had that figured out I had gone almost 6 hours without any pain meds!! Yikes! My kids came to visit in the middle of all of this and I had to tell Isaac I didn't want them there anymore. I couldn't let ANYONE see me cry!
I was so lucky to have my dear friend (and Nate's mom-in-law) there when I hit rock bottom. She told me I was the strongest person she knew next to our "daughter" Lora. I just kept hearing her tell me that. Then my baby sister was there to help put the pieces back together. After that Lora came and helped me to stay cool and warm all at the same time. I love all three of these ladies. They got me through the only true low moment I've had through all of this.
By the next morning I was feeling pretty good. A bit of a scratchy voice and a really terrible time swallowing but all in all I felt good. The surgeon came and told us that surgery went extremely well. The tumor was what we had thought and that the whole thyroid had been removed. He said I could go home as soon as all of the paperwork was done.
It was good to be home. Recovery went well. It probably would have gone faster if I hadn't been afraid of missing something if I napped while my dad and siblings were here for most of a day. ha!
Since surgery, I have met with my surgeon who said everything looked great. I have a lovely scar on my neck that will eventually look like a crease(wrinkle) in my neck. For now it looks a little Frankenstein like.
My surgeon referred me to an endocrinologist, a doctor I will need to see for the rest of my life. This is the person who will monitor my "thyroid" levels and make sure the cancer has not returned. The doctor I was referred to was an ass. I could go on and on about him but won't waste any more of my time on him. I did an internet search and found a new endocrinologist at the U of Minnesota Clinic.
I met with her on December 6th. She told me there is one treatment that has to be done. I get to have a Radioactive Iodine (RAI) treatment on January 19th. When your thyroid is removed there is no way they can remove ALL of the tissue so the RAI treatment will kill the rest of that tissue. If any tissue is left behind cancer can grow there.
The medication I take keeps my thyroid hormone levels normal, which they were when I went to the doctor on the 6th. On Tuesday (Dec 13th) I stopped taking that medication and started one that will reverse those levels so there is NOTHING. It helps the RAI to find whatever thyroid tissue is left. This new med is really messing with me. Thus the reason for not publishing this edition of my blog any sooner. It makes my heart race, then makes me dizzy and then makes me achy all over. It lasts for a couple of hours and then I feel fine. A little tired but that's all. I take these until January 2nd then nothing.
Then for the last nine days I have to eat a low iodine diet. Its pretty amazing what has iodine in it. Egg yolks and dairy products are at the top of the "DO NOT EAT" list. Once I go off my meds I can be extremely fatigued so it is suggested I cook all of my low iodine diet meals ahead of time. I have food ready for ALL 9 breakfasts and then 7 other meals. Tomorrow I will cook the rest of the meals and get them in the freezer.
When I go to the hospital for the RAI treatment I get to spend 24 hours in a lead lined room. Doesn't that sound like fun? Anything I take in with me has to be left behind. I will have a TV and a telephone. I plan to bring some magazines and a paperback book and maybe some Word Finds. I'm hoping I sleep most of the time away but...
Then when I get home I get to be isolated from the rest of the family. The girls are spending the weekend away from here. It will give me more peace of mind if they aren't around. I have to be isolated from Friday through Monday. On Tuesday I have a complete body scan done. Those will be done periodically for a yet to be determined length of time.
This is my story so far. I will post an update once I have something new to add. I feel blessed to have the kind of cancer I have. I had a tough time with feeling guilty about all of this. The ease with which I will get through all of this. I don't have to have chemo treatments and I don't have to have any radiation treatments. I have friends and classmates who have gone through such horrible things to beat their cancers. I am truly, truly blessed.
The meeting with the surgeon gave Isaac and I both peace of mind. We were told once the tumor was removed there would be no need for any further treatment. No chemo or radiation. He explained the procedure, how long it would take, how long I would be in the hospital and what to expect afterwards. The biggest thing would be the possibility of some loss of voice and difficulty in swallowing. The thyroid sits between the nerves that control your voice. All of this was minor. Surgery was scheduled for the morning of October 27th. 15 days away.
We went home with good news to tell the kids. Everyone was at home that night so we could tell them in person. Talk about it. Ask questions. Basically, just understand all that was going on. I told all of them that no matter what, they could come to me with questions or to tell me how they were feeling. Whatever - it WAS okay to talk about. My mom had cancer for 6 years and died when I was 24. We NEVER talked about her cancer EVER. I didn't want that to happen with my own family.
The hardest part was picking up the phone to call my siblings and my dad. When I called I just told them what the surgeon had told us. I did my best to be confident and to assure everyone I would be okay.
15 days was going to be a long time. But my business was still busy and things needed to be done before I had my surgery. I didn't want to have anything to worry about while I recovered. There was more than enough to do to keep my mind busy and not dwell on my cancer and my upcoming surgery.
During those 15 days I would have a wide range of emotions. One morning I was busy folding laundry and just stopped and found it weird that I had this tumor in my neck that was cancer. It was hard to believe because I felt fine, looked fine and had never been sick before finding this tumor. Other times I would stand and look in the mirror and couldn't see any difference. I had cancer so I had to look different right? But the funny thing was I was more worried about how everyone else was dealing with this. Who was worrying too much? How so and so was coping? Weird I know but that's what I do best. Worry about others.
Surgery day approached (just typing this makes my stomach flip flop). The day before I kept as busy as I could. I finished making a Halloween costume for my son. And made the cutest Halloween costumes for my niece and her friends. But as dinner time approached the more apprehensive I became. I had dinner on the table and turned and looked at Isaac watching me and almost lost it right there. I told him I needed to go away for a few minutes. I figured going away and crying on my own was better than trying not to and having a total panic attack. I headed for my bedroom and had a panic attack in private. Then went into the bathroom and washed my face. Then went and sat down at the dinner table. I tried to crack some jokes but couldn't quite pull that off. I don't think I can ever truly pull off cracking jokes anyway so... ha!
After a sleepless night, we headed for the hospital just before 5AM. Surgery was scheduled for 7:30AM. Everything was on schedule. Of course I had to have one last minor panic attack as Isaac walked back to the waiting room. After that I didn't remember too much of anything. ha!
Next thing I remember I was being wheeled to a room. I'm not sure what I was expecting for a pain level but what I experienced was a little more than anticipated. And the nurses and I had a slight miscommunication on pain meds. Apparently I wasn't on any kind of schedule, if I thought I needed something I was suppose to ask. So by the time we had that figured out I had gone almost 6 hours without any pain meds!! Yikes! My kids came to visit in the middle of all of this and I had to tell Isaac I didn't want them there anymore. I couldn't let ANYONE see me cry!
I was so lucky to have my dear friend (and Nate's mom-in-law) there when I hit rock bottom. She told me I was the strongest person she knew next to our "daughter" Lora. I just kept hearing her tell me that. Then my baby sister was there to help put the pieces back together. After that Lora came and helped me to stay cool and warm all at the same time. I love all three of these ladies. They got me through the only true low moment I've had through all of this.
By the next morning I was feeling pretty good. A bit of a scratchy voice and a really terrible time swallowing but all in all I felt good. The surgeon came and told us that surgery went extremely well. The tumor was what we had thought and that the whole thyroid had been removed. He said I could go home as soon as all of the paperwork was done.
It was good to be home. Recovery went well. It probably would have gone faster if I hadn't been afraid of missing something if I napped while my dad and siblings were here for most of a day. ha!
Since surgery, I have met with my surgeon who said everything looked great. I have a lovely scar on my neck that will eventually look like a crease(wrinkle) in my neck. For now it looks a little Frankenstein like.
My surgeon referred me to an endocrinologist, a doctor I will need to see for the rest of my life. This is the person who will monitor my "thyroid" levels and make sure the cancer has not returned. The doctor I was referred to was an ass. I could go on and on about him but won't waste any more of my time on him. I did an internet search and found a new endocrinologist at the U of Minnesota Clinic.
I met with her on December 6th. She told me there is one treatment that has to be done. I get to have a Radioactive Iodine (RAI) treatment on January 19th. When your thyroid is removed there is no way they can remove ALL of the tissue so the RAI treatment will kill the rest of that tissue. If any tissue is left behind cancer can grow there.
The medication I take keeps my thyroid hormone levels normal, which they were when I went to the doctor on the 6th. On Tuesday (Dec 13th) I stopped taking that medication and started one that will reverse those levels so there is NOTHING. It helps the RAI to find whatever thyroid tissue is left. This new med is really messing with me. Thus the reason for not publishing this edition of my blog any sooner. It makes my heart race, then makes me dizzy and then makes me achy all over. It lasts for a couple of hours and then I feel fine. A little tired but that's all. I take these until January 2nd then nothing.
Then for the last nine days I have to eat a low iodine diet. Its pretty amazing what has iodine in it. Egg yolks and dairy products are at the top of the "DO NOT EAT" list. Once I go off my meds I can be extremely fatigued so it is suggested I cook all of my low iodine diet meals ahead of time. I have food ready for ALL 9 breakfasts and then 7 other meals. Tomorrow I will cook the rest of the meals and get them in the freezer.
When I go to the hospital for the RAI treatment I get to spend 24 hours in a lead lined room. Doesn't that sound like fun? Anything I take in with me has to be left behind. I will have a TV and a telephone. I plan to bring some magazines and a paperback book and maybe some Word Finds. I'm hoping I sleep most of the time away but...
Then when I get home I get to be isolated from the rest of the family. The girls are spending the weekend away from here. It will give me more peace of mind if they aren't around. I have to be isolated from Friday through Monday. On Tuesday I have a complete body scan done. Those will be done periodically for a yet to be determined length of time.
This is my story so far. I will post an update once I have something new to add. I feel blessed to have the kind of cancer I have. I had a tough time with feeling guilty about all of this. The ease with which I will get through all of this. I don't have to have chemo treatments and I don't have to have any radiation treatments. I have friends and classmates who have gone through such horrible things to beat their cancers. I am truly, truly blessed.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
My Journey - So Far
Most of you know some of my thyroid cancer story. Since it is not quite to the end of the story, I've decided to tell it from the beginning here in my blog. I've neglected my blog like I've neglected myself for too long.
On Wednesday, October 5th I had an appointment with a Nurse Practitioner at the clinic my hubby has been going to for the past few years. Me - I've only had an OB/GYN for the past 20 years or so, with occasional visits to urgent care or whatever doctor has the soonest opening when I've had a cold I can't shake or possible strep throat. And then only if I thought I was dying. ha! But I finally decided maybe it was time to find a primary care doctor. Someone I liked. Someone who didn't patronize me. I've had too many doctors like that in my lifetime. Just because I am a female it doesn't mean ALL of my health issues are "female problems". If you know what I mean.
Fatigue and daily headaches are what forced me to make this appointment. When my "doctor" walked into the room, I instantly liked her. She is a few months younger than me. A working mom. She seemed truly concerned about my health. The first thing she told me was that it is time to take care of myself. It was time to do things I wanted to do. I've talked about my "Life to Do" list before. The list of things I want to experience in my life. It was time to get started on that list. We talked about my fatigue possibly being related to running my own crazy business and the need to ALWAYS be in charge of EVERYTHING. We don't need to be in control of everything because it will destroy us if we aren't careful. At some point I will blog about our need, as women to take better care of ourselves. To learn not to have to be in control of everything all the time.
After discussing all of my health concerns along with a few life concerns, she decided what blood work would need to be done and moved on to a physical examination. She checked my ears, throat, eyes, etc. She checked my heart and lungs. Then she physically checked my neck and found what she called a nodule on my thyroid. She told me thyroid nodules were not unusual but an ultrasound would need to be done. She said to make the appointment at my leisure. That told me I needed to make the appointment as soon as possible.
My ultrasound was schedule for the following morning. Bright and early. Before we got started the technician told me I would have results in the next day or so. When I left she told me I should have results either later that afternoon or the next morning. That same afternoon my "doctor" called me telling me I had a MASS on my thyroid and I would need a biopsy done. I commented about it no longer being a nodule and she told me "No it is a mass". Later in the day I got a copy of the ultrasound findings added to "MyChart" online. The dimensions were all in cm so I had to recalculate them into inches. My mass was about the size of a cocktail wiener! Large for a thyroid mass.
Now, I'm starting to feel a bit of a panic. I did some internet searches on thyroid nodules/masses and found that cancer was one option. I read a little too much about the biopsy procedure so stopped my internet search. Sometimes less information is better.
On Monday, October 10th the biopsy was done. I will leave the details out about the actual biopsy procedure. Eight samples were drawn from my thyroid mass by a radiologist who specializes in this procedure. The room was filled with assistants. One person doing some typing in the corner. Another person making sure I was comfortable. Hell, I was having eight needles stuck into my neck. And one person took each needle and squirted a sample onto a microscope slide to be sent to the lab for analysis. By the time the 3rd or 4th sample had been drawn the room got very quiet. When all eight samples were done, I was told my doctor would have results within 3-5 business days. 3-5 days would be an eternity.
Panic attacks became fairly normal. Mostly, I felt like I couldn't breath. The unknown is sometimes worse than the known even if it is something bad.
Two days later, on Wednesday, October 12th shortly after 9AM the phone rang. I took a deep breath and answered it. It was my doctor. She told me she had the biopsy results and my thyroid nodule which had been upgraded to a mass was now a full fledged tumor which was cancer. Papillary thyroid cancer is the exact kind of cancer. She told me "If you have to have a cancer this is the kind to have." My thyroid along with its funky little friend would need to be removed. She had already set up an appointment with a surgeon for later that afternoon.
She asked me if I was home alone and when I told her I was she offered to stay on the phone with me for however long I needed her to be there. That was above and beyond. She has been unbelievable through this whole process. I talked to her for a few minutes, hung up the phone and cried. Eventually, I calmed down and called Isaac so he could come home and go to the surgeon with me. The next few hours were endless and filled with endless questions and moments of total panic. Totally had major issues breathing.
Thyroid cancer is the fastest growing cancer. In 2011 there will be more than 48,000 new cases of thyroid cancer diagnosed. Papillary thyroid cancer accounts for about 75-80% of all thyroid cancer. This type of thyroid cancer in most cases does not spread to other parts of the body. It is normally self-contained and once the thyroid and its funky little friend are removed the cancer is gone. Thyroid cancer can NOT be found through any kind of blood tests. ALL of my thyroid levels were totally PERFECT. It can only be found by a physical examination.
I will end this segment of my journey here. I promise to publish the rest of the story tomorrow night. I will type it now, proof it tomorrow night and publish it immediately after I've done that. Until then, know that I am doing great.
Friday, April 1, 2011
UNIQUENESS
Most of you who KNOW me, know my name is spelled Cheri and pronounced Cherry. Like the fruit or as I like to say “Like George Washington”. It took most of my life for me to accept this name. As a child I ALWAYS had to do battle with people on how to pronounce my name. Since I was extremely shy, most of the time I would just let people call me Sherry. And even after correcting people many refused to believe it was my real name. At one point as a teenager I even tried to go by my middle name, Lynn. That didn’t go over very well with my parents. And I never really felt like a Lynn.
People have always wondered where my name came from and how it came to be spelled the way it is. I had always been told my name came from a comic strip called “Smilin’ Jack”. I had also been told Cherry was Jack’s wife’s name. Well, after doing a quick Google search I found out the comic strip ran from 1933 to 1973 and Cherry is really Jack’s boss’ daughter not his wife. That was quite the surprise - after hearing differently all my life. But none the less, Cherry is still a character in the comic strip
Originally my name was going to be Cindy Jo. Fortunately for me the neighbor lady who was pregnant at the same time as my mom had her baby first and named HER daughter Cindy Jo. Being young and thinking they would ALWAYS be neighbors, my mom just couldn’t see how it would work having TWO Cindy Jos in the neighborhood. For some reason my Mom liked the name Cherry but my Dad didn’t want the name spelled like the fruit. My mom compromised and spelled it C-H-E-R-I. Come on Dad if it’s still pronounced like the fruit, isn’t it the same difference? Isn’t a fruit a fruit even if it is spelled wrong? :-)
So for years I have been called Sherry. Sometimes Cheryl because when people would see my first name along with my middle initial, Cheri L they for some reason thought they saw Cheryl. That’s the one name I WILL NOT answer to. Most likely I’ll knock out anyone who calls me Cheryl.
One time I filled out a form for a magazine subscription and did not “print clearly”. I ran the "r" and "i" together and didn’t dot my "i". When my magazine came it was address to Chen. Quite humorous.
Growing up my boy cousins always called me Charlie. I was never a girlie girl and I always attempted and succeeded at doing whatever the boys did. Most of the time I was better than them at whatever they were trying to do.
In high school my friend Barbie gave me the best nickname. It was quite long but I loved and still do love it. She called me “CheriBeriLemonSeedLynnEngel”. All one name. Love you Barbie.
But as I’ve grown older and wiser I’ve learned to embrace the uniqueness of my name. When I started my business 21 years ago I knew I wanted to incorporate my first name, only spelled correctly into the company name. For a long time I just couldn't find the right name, one that would be embrace my name and my personality.
One day my kids were watching "Double Dare" on Nickelodeon and one of the teams was named "Cherry Bombs". That was exactly what I was looking for. Out of that evolved Cherry Bombs Attitude Gear. It is a unique company name to go along with a unique business and even more unique owner.
Moral of the story: A name is just a name. Embrace it. Don't let your name define you but let YOU define the name.
Does anyone else have a great name story? I would love to hear your story.
People have always wondered where my name came from and how it came to be spelled the way it is. I had always been told my name came from a comic strip called “Smilin’ Jack”. I had also been told Cherry was Jack’s wife’s name. Well, after doing a quick Google search I found out the comic strip ran from 1933 to 1973 and Cherry is really Jack’s boss’ daughter not his wife. That was quite the surprise - after hearing differently all my life. But none the less, Cherry is still a character in the comic strip
Originally my name was going to be Cindy Jo. Fortunately for me the neighbor lady who was pregnant at the same time as my mom had her baby first and named HER daughter Cindy Jo. Being young and thinking they would ALWAYS be neighbors, my mom just couldn’t see how it would work having TWO Cindy Jos in the neighborhood. For some reason my Mom liked the name Cherry but my Dad didn’t want the name spelled like the fruit. My mom compromised and spelled it C-H-E-R-I. Come on Dad if it’s still pronounced like the fruit, isn’t it the same difference? Isn’t a fruit a fruit even if it is spelled wrong? :-)
So for years I have been called Sherry. Sometimes Cheryl because when people would see my first name along with my middle initial, Cheri L they for some reason thought they saw Cheryl. That’s the one name I WILL NOT answer to. Most likely I’ll knock out anyone who calls me Cheryl.
One time I filled out a form for a magazine subscription and did not “print clearly”. I ran the "r" and "i" together and didn’t dot my "i". When my magazine came it was address to Chen. Quite humorous.
Growing up my boy cousins always called me Charlie. I was never a girlie girl and I always attempted and succeeded at doing whatever the boys did. Most of the time I was better than them at whatever they were trying to do.
In high school my friend Barbie gave me the best nickname. It was quite long but I loved and still do love it. She called me “CheriBeriLemonSeedLynnEngel”. All one name. Love you Barbie.
But as I’ve grown older and wiser I’ve learned to embrace the uniqueness of my name. When I started my business 21 years ago I knew I wanted to incorporate my first name, only spelled correctly into the company name. For a long time I just couldn't find the right name, one that would be embrace my name and my personality.
One day my kids were watching "Double Dare" on Nickelodeon and one of the teams was named "Cherry Bombs". That was exactly what I was looking for. Out of that evolved Cherry Bombs Attitude Gear. It is a unique company name to go along with a unique business and even more unique owner.
Moral of the story: A name is just a name. Embrace it. Don't let your name define you but let YOU define the name.
Does anyone else have a great name story? I would love to hear your story.
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